Wanting the Unwanted: Entering Ango
Photo by David Becker
There is a practice for softening, opening the heart, and letting the whole world in. It’s when we say yes to the unwanted, like welcoming a cold splash of water in the morning—refreshing and unwanted. Start here and work toward facing the painful and often unexpected, in yourself and others, with curiosity and love.
This talk includes the Ocean Mind Sangha’s Ango Opening Ceremony. Join us as we embark together on a month-long period of intensive Buddhist practice.
This talk was given by Zuisei Goddard. See below for transcript.
Transcript
This transcript is based on Zuisei's talk notes and may differ slightly from the final talk.
Even now,
decades after,
I wash my face with cold water—
Not for discipline,
nor memory,
nor the icy, awakening slap,
but to practice
choosing
to make the unwanted wanted.
This is the poet and Zen practitioner Jane Hirshfield in her poem “A Cedary Fragrance.” What she’s referring to is many years ago, waking up every morning at 3:40 AM (long before dawn), at Zen Mountain Center in California and washing her face with cold water, the only water they had, and later, turning this simple act into a practice—the practice of choosing, instead of bearing. The practice of bringing close, instead of pushing away, not for the sake of discipline, not for the sake of asceticism or renunciation even, but for the sake of letting the whole world in. Do you understand?
This is precisely what we are doing tonight, as we prepare to enter ango together. The ceremony is simple, deceptively so. I will read a petition that we make, to whom? To Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha, to all buddhas and bodhisattvas, to all the many teachers and all the many students who stood at the threshold of a zendo and also said, “Help me. Guide me.” Who sat, looking at their body and at their mind, at their heart, and who decided that they would do everything in their power to wake up, for their sake and the sake of all beings.
[ANGO OPENING CEREMONY]
To begin, please offer incense at your altar, and as you do so, formulate very clearly in your mind your intent for this month. Bring forth your aspiration, your commitment, and your determination to practice in a wholehearted way, leaving no part of you, no part of our life, out.
Next, we’ll do three bows to one another. With each bow we’re bowing to the Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha in one another. We're bowing to awakening and the example of Shakyamuni all those years ago. We’re bowing to truth and to the teachings of the path to awakening. We’re bowing to supporting one another with everything that we have, everything that we are, for these thirty days. We’re vowing that when we may not feel like practicing, we’ll do it for the sake of someone else in this sangha or the larger sangha, to inspire and support their practice.
Everyone please gassho.
We come here realizing the question of life and death is a vital matter.
We dedicate ourselves to wholeheartedly practicing the Summer 2023 Ango of the Ocean Mind Sangha.
We understand our commitment to this ango and to one another, and assume full responsibility for observing it.
Please guide us in our practice.
The following practitioners have made a commitment to train in this Summer 2023 Ango:Elliot Freedman
Eric Geist
Kaito Green
Komyo Brown
Liz Weiss
Marguerite Battaglia
Nicholas Fournie
Nina McPherson
Nyoen Reddy
Ryusan Pontolilo
Secundra Beasly
Shoho Fristoe
Sonkai Christian
Zuisei Goddard
Let it be known that I, Zuisei Goddard, will lead this Summer 2023 ango.Three bows. [The sangha bows three times]
This last statement means that there is no shuso (chief disciple) for this particular ango, but my hope is that as we continue to mature as a sangha, some of you will be able to serve in this position. I’ll talk more about what that means when we get there.
Now to return to this practice of making the unwanted wanted. Think of a human life: we get sick, we get old, we lose, we fail, we die, all the many things that we do not want, would rather not have. When we choose liberation, we’re choosing, not just the unwanted, but all of it. We’re choosing our own life, with all of its failings and shortcomings, as well as its wonder. We’re choosing the world, with all of its beauty and its horror. And we’re choosing to care for all of it, because it deserves such care. As Sonkai’s name says, we respect, we revere the world, and are in turn respected and revered by it. It always goes both ways, you see? It always goes in all directions, reaching everywhere.
What we’ll be doing these four weeks is revering the world through our practice. Isn’t that wonderful?! We’ll get up and sit together, we’ll reflect on what it means to be a human being in the world, and not just reflect but live out this project, having vowed to do in the best possible way, in the most wholehearted, earnest way that we can, because that’s how we want to live our lives. Doing this on our own isn’t easy, so we’ll do it together, which is also wonderful, if you ask me. When my alarm rings at five in the morning and I don’t feel like getting up, I will because I know you’ll be there too, or because I’ve committed to ring the bell for you or chant a chant, because putting our names on that sheet is saying, I’ve got you. I’m doing this with you. You’re not alone. Just as people have been doing for thousands of years. We’ll continue that tradition, with a few modern adaptations, but the heart of the aspiration, the practice, and the realization are the same.
Together, we’ll create a “monastery of consciousness,” to borrow another one of Jane Hirschfield’s phrases. We’re creating a boundary, a time with a beginning and end, so we can enter more fully into that place without boundary, without edges, where nothing begins and nothing concludes because there is just life being lived, one moment after the next.
So, my friends, let’s do this.
Explore further
01 : Ango at Ocean Mind Sangha
02 : A Cedary Fragrance by Jane Hirshfield
03 : Equanimity Paramita with Vanessa Zuisei Goddard